Those Who Don't Learn Their History
by sdrawkcabemdaer5
Summary: John discovers that Sherlock has a lot to learn about history. Just a little drabble: gen, humor, nerdiness galore.


A little bit of silliness involving my two loves: Sherlock and history.

Written for this prompt in the SherlockBBC livejournal comm.: _John discovers that Sherlock has a lot to learn about (World/European/U.S.) history and the two argue about it/try and correct each other on what they (think) they know. Hilarity ensues._

I'm an American history student, not a specialist on British history, so please excuse any errors.

It's totally gen, just a bit of humor for the sake of humor.

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The whole conversation had started over something trivial. That was how most of their arguments started, actually.

John had been watching telly, and Sherlock, having nothing better to do, settled on the couch beside him. He kept most of his usual comments to himself, as if it wasn't worth the effort, instead settling for occasional huffs of derision that made his contempt perfectly clear.

One of the characters made a joke about Henry VIII (the original ladykiller, they called him) and John nearly sputtered a bit of his tea as he chuckled.

Sherlock turned to look at him like he was an idiotic child.

"Oh come on," John cajoled, wiping off his chin. The joke hadn't been _that_ funny, but Sherlock didn't have to be such a killjoy.

"What was supposed to be amusing about that?" Sherlock's tone was completely serious. For someone who didn't care about popular culture, it sure annoyed him when John understood something he did not.

"Oh, come on, ladykiller? Henry, because he killed all his wives? It's a pun, Sherlock."

Sherlock just looked blankly baffled.

John thought maybe it was the slang that was giving him a hard time, but then a thought struck him. It couldn't be, could it?

"Sherlock…you do know who Henry VIII is, right? _King_ Henry, man responsible for the C of E?"

Sherlock just looked affronted now, because John was calling his intelligence into question again. He put on his best haughty face and waved his hand, as if dismissing the subject. But this was too good. John couldn't help but break into giggles.

"Elizabeth, then, do you know Elizabeth? Or Victoria? Oliver Cromwell, Winston Churchill?"

Sherlock just rolled his eyes. "Of course I do, don't be asinine."

"Ok then," John tried to calm his laughter, "so who was Elizabeth then?"

"…She was queen. Obviously."

John waited for further elaboration, but there was no more forthcoming. This was a whole new amusing revelation. In a way, it didn't surprise him. The solar system was one thing, but national history was quite another; Sherlock may not personally interact with the planets on a daily basis, but living in London, contact with history was unavoidable.

"Sherlock, you live in England. How can you not know the basic facts of British history? Did you even go to primary school, or did they skip you ahead straight to uni?"

"History always bored me. There's no point in trying to deduce the motivations of long dead men; too many variables, and they never seem to act rationally. A bunch of stupid, superstitious men. How does it help me to know that Cromwell deposed King George or that Henry was apparently a royal serial killer? Will it help me solve a case?"

"…Charles, Cromwell deposed King…Charles." John trailed off at Sherlock's withering glare.

"What does it matter, a bunch of inbred nobles all sharing the same names, who has time to keep them straight?" He looked like his mind was already beyond this conversation now. But John wasn't ready to let it drop yet.

"But Sherlock, it's your country. Don't you feel any sort of pride at all?"

"I am not a soldier like you, nor a public servant like Mycroft. England has faults like any other country, it has nothing to do with history."

Sherlock may be right, that his military service had made him more patriotic than the average citizen, but it wasn't just that. John had liked history since he was a child; all the battles and conquests and great men. It was exciting. He couldn't give up on his point just yet.

"But come on, think of all the contributions Britain has made to the world! Like the Magna Carta," he pointed out reasonably. Sherlock looked blank again. "Oh, God, you don't…never mind. Umm the parliamentary system then?"

"Bunch of useless old men yelling at each other and stirring up a fuss."

Actually, John agreed with that a little, but that wasn't the point.

"America, we founded America."

"And what a charming cesspool it has become."

"Tea! The British invented tea!"

"We did not invent tea, John, the ancient Chinese cultivated tea leaves centuries before the west." Sherlock's exasperated tone added an unspoken "obviously."

"How can you know the history of tea, but not the English monarchs? It's astounding, really."

"Yes, well, despite what you may think, I do occasionally pick up information here and there. Learned that nice tid-bit on the Chinese smuggling case, from the girl at the museum. I guess I just haven't deleted it yet."

John shook his head. That was typical.

"I take it that it's not just British history that you're so vehemently opposed to, then? So do you know any history, at all?"

Sherlock seemed to consider for a moment.

"I know a bit about the Greeks and Romans. Learned that from Mycroft, mostly, a bit of a hobby of his. Leave it to that pervert to be infatuated with a bunch of debauched, paganistic pedophiles."

All of the glories of the ancient world, and _that_ is what Mycroft Holmes chose to teach his little brother. It might explain a lot, actually. John covered his eyes with his palm and rubbed his temples for a moment. This was so much worse than he ever imagined.

"Right."

He stood up brusquely, and went to retrieve his coat from the rack by the door. Sherlock remained seated, looking up at him in confusion. He had expected the amusement at his expense to continue for some time longer.

"Where are you going?"

"Well, it seems to me that we need to remedy this situation. You claimed you didn't need to know about the solar system either, and look how that turned out. You are getting a crash course in British history. So I," he butted his coat and opened the door, "am going to the store to rent some movies. BBC historical dramas- quicker and vastly more entertaining than a text book. Trust me."

Sherlock nearly groaned aloud, but he got off the couch to follow his friend out the door in silent capitulation. This was going to be a very long weekend, he thought. But, as long as John was there, learning about history just might not be so bad.

END

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Your feedback would be adored and appreciated- with humor I never know what's going to work and what's going to fall flat. So I need you lovely people to let me know :p


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